the real thing

so this whole externship is coming to an end really quick and well, then i have to go out and become the 'real' thing. a doctor of audiology, master of the hearing tests and hearing aids and cochlear implants, and whatever else we do... man that's alot to live up to. also looking for a job sucks, you really have to evaluate yourself and i am the biggest jugde of my life. i have asked to stay on at mass eye and ear and being constantly under the microscope is really hard. i am always asked to step it up or do this. i feel that everything has to be perfect and i make the stupidest mistakes ever! it's so easy to get down when going through all of this. to think to yourself 'man that was dumb', 'oh stupid mistake you just did', or 'dough!' (in my best homer simpson voice). constantly i am thinking go faster, do better, write this better and it is really wearing on me. maybe i should just realize who i am and that DO suck... it really has been a constant state of I DO SUCK... i hate being a student and just want to be done already...